- As you probably can tell by now, the DJ Logo design has been changed. I liked the old one but about a month ago I discovered a potential issue over the lettering font I used in that particular logo. Because I didn't want to deal with any hassles on that front, I decided to design a new DJ Logo. It took me a while to find lettering that I liked and, more importantly, I could use in the new logo. I came across a lettering design created by Jenna Sue Design Co. (http://www.jennasuedesign.com/) and just fell in love with it. I kept the double ring below the lettering that I used in the old logo, added the new "DJ" lettering and...wait for it...wait for it...VOILA! The new DJ Logo was born as of June 22, 2012 (for the record). I made it single color and eliminated the background oval which served as a separately colored backdrop in some variations of the old version. What you see now is a much simpler design that I'll be able to use, especially different colored versions of it, wherever I feel like using it rather easily. The DJ Logo itself serves as my personal trademark that I use for promoting and identifying me personally. However, I am using a slightly different version of the logo for DJ's Random Thoughts. It contains the new DJ Logo but with the addition of the "Random Thoughts" title on the logo itself, which you can see at the top of the blog and on the social media pages promoting DJRT. Since this particular logo is dedicated to DJ's Random Thoughts specifically, it is and will be identified separately as the "DJRT Logo" (that means I made two new logos...yay and stuff). All of the items in the DJRT Store have been updated with the new DJRT Logo designs and those items are available to buy now (I might add DJ Logo stuff down the line if there's any demand for it). I liked the old logo, but I believe the new logos look cooler and I love how they've turned out.
- As far as what I've been up to, it's pretty much been the same old song and dance on my end. I haven't really done all that much and, aside from the occasional event, I'm pretty much still in limbo at this point. However, I did have a question asked to me about something I said in the last blog. This person was confused by what I meant about being a reactive person and wanted to know what I meant by that. I've never been asked to explain that before but it is related to something that I was going to talk about down the line in DJRT, something that would have had it's own subtitle (I had two to choose from to boot). Because of the question, however, I think it's time I talked about it especially since it dramatically affects me and a ton of other people either directly or indirectly and it might actually answer many questions people had in the past or have presently about me and maybe why I'm in limbo...yeah, it's one of those types of blurbs.
Before I begin, I want to say that the following will be about as personal as I have ever gotten either in person or in writing. This is also something that might step on some toes and it's a touchy sensitive subject so just be aware of that. In fact, part of what I'm going to talk about here involves stepping on toes. Actually, it's about stepping on landmines...personal landmines, emotional landmines, boundary landmines...you name it, it's likely those kinds of landmines. I'm very familiar with landmines...too familiar. Ever since I was a young child it seems I've had to deal with some kind of landmine somewhere or with someone or some people. Pet peeves like being left behind, being marginalized and being bullied and picked on are some landmines in my own personal minefield. I'm pretty sure all of you have some of your own. The thing about landmines is that if you even lightly tap a live one it will create a huge explosion. If it happens in a minefield, it might set off a series of explosions, one after the other in succession or, if linked, all at the same time. Landmines can be devastating and sometimes only a simple touch can set a live one off. Most of them are hidden and even with warnings they can be set off without you seeing them.
When it comes to me personally...and I hate to believe this or even say this out loud but it is the truth...I can't seem to go anywhere or do much of anything without worrying about setting off a landmine or entering a minefield. I seem to have a "gift," sarcastically speaking, of being able to set off a mine rather easily. I just seem to say the wrong thing, trip the wrong wire, even do or say something completely innoculous, and have people explode on me. Not just get a little miffed, not just show a little anger, I mean outright explode and go off. It happens with friends. It happens with family. It happens with co-workers and ex-girlfriends and strangers and other people. And with alarming regularity. It's something I absolutely do NOT want or seek to do, but somehow it happens even when I go to extremes to avoid setting people off. It's even happened recently with several different people in different scenarios. There are times where I feel like I just want to buy a boatload of "Beware of Minefield" signs and nail them to the foreheads of people...and I would subsequently run out really quickly and have to go buy more.
Now I do have to admit there are many instances that it's my own doing and I bring it on myself, maybe even deserving it for something I did wrong. Sometimes I see it coming and try to gird myself against the potential landmine backlash...usually I fail miserably with that but I still try. There are more cases, however, where it's not because of anything directly related to me but I get exploded on anyway. How many of you remember what I said last year when I announced I was moving back in with my family? Pretty sure not many of you, but I said something about everything catching up to me. I was talking about all the landmines I've set off over the years. It all finally caught up to me and I couldn't handle them where I was anymore, so I moved back here to see if I could find a way to deal with them. I hate to say it but I still haven't found anything really effective as of late.
In trying to avoid all the landmines and minefields over the years, I've become a minefield myself. Some of you have seen it firsthand. I hate that I've become one. I don't want to be one or intend to be one, but I am one. I've been working on being less of one for most of my life and with some limited success, but overall being one has caused me a lot of pain and suffering beyond what I would wish on even the worst of people. The kicker about being that way is as much as people, especially my friends, might worry about me being so sensitive and setting off my mines, I'm just as worried if not way more so of setting off theirs. It's one of the weirdest dynamics in my life. Setting off as many landmines as I have has caused me to be supremely reluctant and withdraw from so many things, events, and people that I've become a recluse. I've turned down going to clubs with people. I've turned down trips. I've turned down approaching women (that's something many people have questioned me about). I've turned down offers of good things and good tidings. I really haven't done all that much on the job front over the years...or not enough according to some people whose minefields I'm continually trying to avoid. I have lost so much and I've put off a lot of people due to different aspects of this. My anxieties, my depression, my anger, my sadness...a lot of those things stems from this. I am scared as all hell (pardon my language) to do a lot of things because of landmines and minefields and even when it looks like I've overcome some backlash or explosion I don't really feel all that courageous or brave in doing so. I'm even reluctant to feel the pleasure and worthiness that comes from being complimented by people because I worry about a backlash (and it's happened...believe me). The biggest fear I have is that one day I will set off so many landmines that I lose myself in some huge explosion...that's my worst nightmare.
There is something that I do want to say before I end this subject for now. Because of this, I really don't have that much, or at least I can call truly my own, and I don't have as much as people think I do. Whatever I do have, though, I hold on to for dear life. That includes my friends and my friendships. I'm not sure I could have gotten through things without my friends..even when I've set off their landmines. When I've lost one...and believe me, I've lost a few...it really hurts bad. I don't want to hurt anybody...I care too much to want to hurt anybody or get in their way. I want to see people and especially my friends happy and, God willing, I have some hand in that happiness if that's in the cards. A lot of things I've been given in general in the past or even recently...all of that stuff can potentially be taken away in a heartbeat if I trip the wrong wire. I've been told many times that I've taken things for granted but, honestly, I've wanted so badly to tell those people off and proclaim "Like hell I have!"...but again, the landmine thing. I have gone above and beyond trying to figure out how to get past this. One of the things I've tried to do is just react to things as they come, which I hope helps to explain why I call myself a "reactive" person.
- That last blurb...I don't know what's gonna happen...if it's going to help me or hurt me or put people off or make people even more sensitive around me...I don't even know if I should have even said anything about it or if I should have said more, but I've been holding that in for so long...I just couldn't anymore. It's so personal, probably the most I've ever been, and I have absolutely no clue how people are going to react. I don't know if anybody's going to understand or relate to it. My head's figuratively spinning right now and I don't know what to expect.
- Before I lose my way here, let me change the subject. Pizza Hut is debuting and adding to it's eclectic menu a new Garlic Bread pizza, with garlic bread as the crust for a regular pizza. I have to ask...why the heck wasn't this thought of earlier? I guess with Taco Bell combining a taco supreme with nachos and cheese to create the Crunchwrap Supreme (which I like), something like this was bound to happen for Pizza Hut too, same company and all.
- In some sad news, Club Polaris (or Club of Polaris as it was last called) closed it's doors permanently a few weeks back. Back in 2009 when I went through that rough patch in the summer, going there helped ease the pain of what I was dealing with. Even though I'm no longer in central Ohio, I still think fondly of the place and the friends I made there. I'm gonna miss that place.
- For those of you who might want to get away from Olympics coverage after about a week of it, Cuyahoga Falls is celebrating its bicentennial with a weeklong celebration starting on Friday, August 3rd and running through the 12th (okay, a little over a week). The Crooked River Festival kicks it off at the downtown riverfront area from the 3rd to the 5th with fireworks that first night (Friday the 3rd) starting at 10 PM. There's also a parade on Portage Trail (I think that's the road) on Saturday the 11th at 10 AM along with a "Celebrate the City" party at the Valley View bank in downtown Cuyahoga Falls. There's a bunch of activities going on during that time and if you want to find out more (or find the correct times or places if I didn't get them right), go to the Cuyahoga Falls Bicentennial official website for more info.
- During Independence Day week, I did get to check out three different fireworks displays. I went to the first show the weekend before the official holiday at Sunbeau Valley Farm in Ravenna with my friend Bob and Lynn and their family and had a great time with them. The second show I went to was the city of Akron's fireworks display on the 4th. It actually started early because there was a huge storm on the way. The show ended just as the storm was hitting the area. I saw it from Cascade Plaza and there was barely anybody there yet I could see most of the show. It was nice to have the space. On my way home through the storm, I was driving near Goodyear Park on Newton St and thanks to the storm the road was completely covered in leaves and sticks. It was like driving through Sherwood Forest and I was half expecting Robin Hood and Little John to pop in front of me at any moment. As I got home, I noticed on the ground hail the size of a baseball melting. The old A-B car I had for years, one that was junky anyways, was hit hard by the hail. If it didn't look like junk before, it does now and it's done. I got lucky being out that I didn't get hit by the hail or the worst of the storm (just a bit of traffic getting out of downtown). Anyway, the third fireworks display I went to was at Springfield Lake the following Saturday. I went to the Lakemore side of the lake and watched the display from there. It was the longest show I had seen in a long time, but I had trouble enjoying it due to me setting off yet another landmine earlier in the evening (not gonna get into that)...maybe I will enjoy it next year if I'm still around this area. After that I went downtown to walk around and clear my head to think about some things. I could have said this was an adventure like I have the last two years, but it just didn't feel like one this year. I hope next year's festivities, wherever I am, are worthy of feeling like I'm on an adventure.
- Song on repeat: "Hold On My Heart" by Phil Collins and Genesis. This was a song I listened to an awful lot after I broke up with my first girlfriend in the mid-90's. It has been a hauntingly and strangely comforting song to me since then and one I put on repeat many times. Here's the song:
- SLP to the following: Holly, Kristin, Debbie, Shasta, Zach, Aunt Sue, Aunt Sandy, Aunt Claudia, Marcus D., Al, Cheryl, Griff, Xavier, Isaiah, Jenny K., Ernest, Joe C., Jen C., Tony C., Mindy, Josh W., Shane B., Rita C., Bob, Lynn, Karen S., Pastor Cory, Eldina, Bill D., Tom R., Michael C., Ron, and Sean M.
Like I said, I have no idea what people are going to think of what I've said here today, but I'm bracing myself. Anyway, that's it for now and hopefully I'll still see you around next time. BTW, if I come off a little blunt here, it's because I'm really tired right now. Anyway...until next time, folks....take care and God Bless.
DJ
