- I know I've talked about some rather thorny issues for me (and maybe others) in the past couple editions of DJRT. I've probably gotten a little more personal than people probably wanted or expected me to be, and I understand that. I still don't know what people think about that stuff, but I am glad I got it out especially since it's been stuff I've wanted to get out for a long time now. Something to know about me is that throughout my life I've always had trouble expressing myself in both speaking and writing. That includes trouble with saying the "right" words at some given moment and especially knowing and finding the actual words to express what I truly mean or want to say. I've gotten better at doing so over the past few years, which DJRT has really helped me with, but it'll probably always be a work in progress. I attribute a lot of that to difficulties I had growing up which I had no control over and also some of the fears that come from stuff I talked about in the last edition. When the words come to me and they actually fit what I want to say and mean, it's an amazing thing and an absolute blessing. Speaking of that last edition, I wouldn't have been able to express that stuff the way I did if it were two months ago...for the edition before that, maybe six months before that. A lot of things I talk about in DJRT I wouldn't have even been able to come up with the words for even five or ten years ago (note: this blurb is not the reason for this edition's subtitle...I'll get to that in later blurbs). It amazes me continually that I'm able to express myself the way I do and come up with the words I need to say because growing up I was so scared to or I was outright scared off by other people from doing it (the landmine thing). I think a lot of you would be surprised at how many people have gone to great lengths to avoid things I say or actually try to prevent me from saying just because saying it MIGHT make something real, much less outright making it so. It's an awful lot of people and sometimes it's done for the most unbelieveable of reasons, but it's still something I will probably continue to struggle with because I don't want to set someone off accidentally again. Now, please keep what I just said in mind as what I'm about to say next is mainly intended for a specific audience. It's something that anybody might be able to take something from (including me down the road), but for now I hope that this audience gets what I'm trying to get across.
Last year around this time, I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life and that was to move away from a place I called home for a long time, Columbus, OH. A major reason for that was the quality of my overall life there was declining. Aside from the reasons I mentioned in the "requiem" edition last year, the only things I really had going for me were DJ's Random Thoughts and my friends there...that was it. As time wore on, it dawned on me that things that I use to be able to do when I returned there back in 2004 I wasn't able to do, or in some cases even capable of doing, any longer. That included going to particular places, how I dealt with people, getting decent work, having a social life, making a living that was worth living...none of that was working out or going to happen where I was. Realizing all that hurt me so much...it was a serious punch to the gut. I was no longer the person (outside of personality-related stuff) that I was when I originally returned. In order to even have a shot at reversing that and hold onto what I value so dearly including my hopes and dreams, I had to make a decision I never thought I would have to make. In moving back in with my family, I had to give up much of the independence I cherished so much from being out in the world. That has been REALLY hard to swallow. I also had to leave behind the friends I made or already had in central Ohio, though I've been extremely fortunate to be able to keep in contact with most of them through Facebook and other means and hope that continues to be the case. In essence, I had to circle the wagons and try to get myself right again. I've been fortunate here in that I got to reconnect with friends up here and make some new ones as well as get myself interested in a couple of things I wouldn't have been able to had I not moved back here (and maybe get myself involved in if the stars align, one that's wrestling-related, one that's football-related). I may be close to bottoming out soon and potentially moving forward with my life again...at least that's what I'm hoping for. The hopes I've had before are starting to return and I've got so many of them...I want to date and have a girlfriend again, maybe even get married and have children; I want to make a difference in the world and in the people around me in good ways and for the greater good; I have so much I want to do with DJ's Random Thoughts, the brand, the concept...as I talked about several times before, I want to do a ton more with it and maybe make a living through it someday (and for those of you who I've talked to privately about this, please don't reveal anything about what I'm planning on because I don't want to give that info out before the time is right and I absolutely do NOT want to be jinxed). In the meantime, I'm still in circled wagon mode and might be for some time.
Throughout all this, I've been taking a page I've used before from a parable in the Bible, namely the Parable of the Sower. It talks about mustard seeds as faith, but in this case I'm using it in a more literal sense. The seed I planted in Columbus withered, so I'm now in the process of working on planting another one elsewhere...I don't feel like I've planted it just yet, but I am looking to do so. So what does everything I've said in this blurb so far have to do with the "specific audience" I mentioned earlier? Well, these particular people are going through or about to make some life-changing decisions and actions in a manner similar to what I've been going through. Those folks may or may not be able to circle the wagons like I've been able to, but the decisions and the changes they're planning to make are no less important to them as the ones I've had to make for myself. For you folks about to make these changes, I have some tips which may already be known but I'm putting them out there just in case for you to keep in mind. First, be patient. Some of these things are going to take time to adjust to even if you might already be in the mental state to do so. Also, be aware and understanding of the people around you and your surroundings while you make these changes. I know firsthand that change is hard for people in general to adjust to, especially when it's not clear why the change has to happen. Some people may be understanding, some may not be, and some may just be outright confused...it's bound to happen. Some folks might get so put off or upset about the changes that they might act or speak differently around you as a result. It's happened to me and it's something that could possibly happen to you. Something else to be aware of is how any changes might affect you personally, professionally, etc. You may have already thought that through, but it doesn't hurt to take stock of where your head is at from time to time. You don't want to lose yourselves in the middle of any changes you make. I can't stress enough that first point...being patient. That might be the most important tip I can give here. As far as I'm concerned, those of you I'm speaking to and about here...I just want the best for you and to make sure you're going to be alright if you're going to go through with changes. Stuff like this isn't always going to be easy (sometimes it might be, but I can't think of any instances right now), so I'll keep praying for you to come out better off in the end.
- Half of the reason for this edition's subtitle, the "five" part, is that around five years ago this month I started writing and sharing my opinions online. Starting in August of 2007, I started writing an irregularly scheduled blog for the website ProgressOhio that had some of my political ideas and leanings (posts I made for that site are included in the Past Editions link in the menu; they are chronological in order). After a few months, I was starting to sour on talking about just political stuff so I took to my then-Myspace account in early 2008 and started a blog there which contained several blog entries, most simply titled Random Thoughts. In mid-2009, I started the transition over to Blogger, made the "DJ's Random Thoughts" blog title official, and phased out the Myspace blog and ultimately my entire Myspace account. It's hard to believe I've been writing in some capacity online for around five years now. I don't know exactly what the future will hold, but whatever it holds I am certain DJ's Random Thoughts will be a major part of it.
- The other half of the reason for the subtitle, the "ten" part, has something to do with a lot of the personal issues I'd been facing up to that point. Those issues led me to drink for a while and ultimately cost me a job. Around this time ten years ago, I was entered into a program called ITS that was supposed to help people with issues like those I was facing. The program changed my life. It helped me see some things differently than I had before and taught me a couple of things about people in general I never really understood growing up that I still utilize to this day. ITS helped open me up to things I hadn't seriously considered before, including returning to college, opening myself up more to people (that's been a mixed bag), and expressing myself. I don't know where my life would have went had I not entered that program ten years ago. It may have saved my life.
- It's hard to believe, but the Cleveland Browns start their preseason this Friday night against the Detroit Lions. They have a new owner in Jimmy Haslem who is now in the process of dumping his minority shares in the rival Pittsburgh Steelers to take control of the Browns. He seems like a really passionate and public guy unlike the Lerners who seemed distant. It's going to be interesting to have him as an owner. I'm really optimistic for a good season this year and hope it comes to pass.
- As far as the Ohio State Buckeyes football team goes, this is pretty much a lost season for the group since they are ineligible for postseason play thanks to past troubles. I'm still gonna watch them and cheer them on, but it's sad that this group has to suffer due to the actions of others. In any case, I also cheer on two other football teams in different conferences. Ironically, I just found out one of those teams is also ineligible for postseason play...just my luck there. Oh well...Go Bucks!
- Last Wednesday I went to downtown Akron to see President Barack Obama speak. It was the first time I had ever seen an actual president in person...I've seen candidates but never an actual president. Regardless of where people stand politically, seeing the actual president of the United States speak live is a big deal. The president is one of the most powerful people in the world and the chance to see him speak was something I did not want to pass up. It was exciting to see him, though I ended up standing or walking in some capacity for five hours straight so I was tired by the time I got home. It was an exciting time nonetheless.
- Last weekend I went to the downtown riverfront area of Cuyahoga Falls to celebrate the first evening of the weeklong bicentennial celebration. The city had the Crooked River Festival on that first night. I went early so I could get a good parking spot and it was lucky I did because there was a huge crowd and barely any good parking spots after around 7 or so. Besides taking pics of the festival and checking out the stuff going on there, I walked down Portage Trail and back for about an hour. I'm now starting to see some possibilities regarding Cuyahoga Falls, but I'm gonna hold off on exploring those until I get myself more squared away. At nightfall there was a great fireworks display. It was the first time I ever saw orange-colored fireworks...I've seen other colors before but never orange so that was interesting. Overall, I had a good time last weekend.
- I've been taking pics of events that have been going on, but some of them look like others I've taken before so I'm holding off posting albums for those photos for now unless there's some great demand to see them. That includes stuff from the last two blurbs and 4th of July stuff. If there's a unique event, I'll definitely post that album but for most events I'm going to hold off. I'll still be using the DJRT Google Plus page when and if I do post them.
- Song on Repeat: "Every Little Thing I Do" by Soul 4 Real. This was one of the songs I used to dance to a lot back in the day (the 90's specifically) and it's a song I still listen to regularly today.
- SLP to the following: Ernest, Kristin, Bob, Lynn, Holly, Fran, Rhonda, Maggie, Dave, Tom R., Jack, Cory, & Daryl.
That's it for this edition. It looks like things will be picking up here soon so that might mean I'll be writing more frequently...maybe. Until next time, folks. Take care and God Bless.
DJ
