- The edition pic is something that means a whole heck of a lot to me. This photo was taken immediately after I was baptized back in June of 2007. The reason I'm showing this pic here is because today is a very special day for yours truly. Eight years ago today, I started following Jesus. Maybe someday I'll be able to talk about the actual events what led me to Him but for now I just want to recognize and celebrate the significance of what this day means to me.
- A lot of people look at the word "rebel" and immediately think of the "Star Wars" movies and the Rebel Alliance in particular. I'm one of those people too but the word itself means so much more to me than just something from the movies. To this day that word is likely the most descriptive and defining of yours truly that would cover a good portion of my life events up to this point. Other thoughts also pop up when people think of the word "rebel". They think of stuff like "going against the tide" or "resistance" or in some cases "chip on the shoulder" (the chip thing isn't always the case with rebellion but it is associated with it). Sometimes there's glory attached to it and sometimes there's annoyance or frustration. There's also this dangerous aspect to it in that being rebellious is risky, even to the point where some folks will consciously or unconsciously avoid the rebellious person or people. There are many people out there where rebellion is just hardwired into them. I'm not sure I'm actually one of those people but I do describe myself as a "natural" rebel. I use the word "natural" because there have been so many instances of where it felt like I naturally rebelled against something or someone or some group. Growing up with a hearing-based learning disability I was diagnosed with when I was a toddler, I had to rebel against those who confused it with mental retardation and how they would treat me. Sure, I had problems understanding what was being said to me a lot when I was little but what I'm talking about here went way beyond that. Trust me when I say dealing with grown-ups' crap and the kinds of trust issues that vex adults while being just a little kid is not something you want in your life or your children's lives if you have any. If you want to see the roots of where I started to get a chip on my shoulder, you can probably start there. Heck, just trying to make sense of things in general was enough, I guess, to put the thought into people that I wasn't one of them or "really" a part of things. Believe me, where rebellion is involved, there isn't much in the way of sympathy or at least enough of it to matter. When it was involuntary as a lot of mine was, it was heartbreaking. Even now I still have a lot of the same kind of rebelliousness I did when I was a kid. I don't have those actual issues from then, mind you, but it has stuck with me all those years. There are times where I am happy being rebellious and going against the grain but in so many instances I just wanted to go with the flow and it was frustrating that I just couldn't. If people took a look at a lot of the flareups small or large that have occured over my lifetime they could probably see the rebel side of me as a factor in them regardless of whether I was right or wrong about any particular situation. It's one of those things for me that is both a blessing and a curse. I've talked a bit about the curse but there are blessings to being one as well. I am more aware of what goes on because I have to pay attention. Sometimes I'm hyper-aware of things. There have been tons of instances where I knew or know a hell of a lot more than I let on, including stuff that is happening around me now. It might freak people out how much I actually know about things in general, especially when many of those people treat me like I haven't got a clue or supposedly "don't know any better" or just don't know in general. Well, guess what, people...I know things and I'm paying attention!!! I should note that just because I know things doesn't mean I'm going to actually act on them or do anything about them especially when things are not black and white, so to speak. In a lot of cases, I've gone out of my way to avoid potential situations and people because of the things I know. Sometimes, acting on what I know is not the best thing to do and I'm not one who wants to make things worse for people especially for those I care about and want the best for. I've made a lot of sacrifices doing that and I have suffered and I wish some people could actually appreciate how much trouble I've gone to in making those sacrifices. The wisdom to know the difference about when to act and when not to is tricky to come by but, being the rebel that I am, I really appreciate not just the stuff that I know but the wisdom that comes along with exercising judgements based on the stuff I know. One more blessing about being a rebel for me comes from my belief in Jesus Christ. Let's face it...Jesus was a rebel himself. Being the son of the Almighty, he rebelled against some of the greatest evils, temptations and suffering and made the ultimate sacrifice in order for the children of God to be able to get to Heaven. I know that might be a bit much for those who don't believe in Him or are not Christians but I've found comfort and faith and started accepting myself more as a rebel because of what I know of and believe in Jesus. I found that by believing in Jesus the burden of being the rebel I've been for most of my life has lessened. It's still not easy being a rebel but if there's been anything that has defined me in my life it is being one.
- Throughout my life there have been many events and people who helped shape the direction of my social life and the nightlife in particular. The dancing, the clubs, the late night dinners, the hanging out, the drama, the friends I've made, the make-out sessions, the music...all that and more have not just affected my social life but my life as a whole. There are so many times where nightlife has outright saved me either from boredom or even from myself. As most of you know, one of my favorite lessons from the Bible is the Parable of the Sower where you take faith as represented by a mustard seed, plant that seed in hopefully the right soil and watch as it grows and flourishes. I've taken that lesson to heart in not just my faith but in so many other areas of my life. It reinforced the deeply held belief that I have that everything good or bad started somewhere, that a seed was planted and it grew into something more. The nightlife I've had and still have now...my club life...is no exception. The seeds of that aspect of my life were planted during my first year in Columbus
As a somewhat naive and insular freshman at Ohio State who was living away from home for the first time in his life, I relished the chance to see what the nightlife specifically had to offer. Before then, the only experiences that gave me any idea what I might expect was whatever I saw on TV (videos, shows, concerts, etc.), high school dances where I went stag to most of them, and the one time I hit up a nightclub...the old Agora in Cuyahoga Falls which eventually became the Boot Scoot'n Saloon. Outside of that I had no idea what to really expect. The place I considered my spot during that freshman year, Park Alley & High Energy (two bars in one), was not the first place I started dancing at. That honor actually goes to the Newport Music Hall across from the Ohio Union (on a side note, I attended my first concert ever on my first night in Columbus at the Newport with the rap group 3rd Bass performing...heck of a way to start my college career). They had an arrangement for a few weekends in October & November of 1991...boy, am I dating myself here...where they turned the concert hall into a dance club which is similar to what is happening currently at the former Screaming Willies/Big Easy/Club Dance venue which is called Project X. I met up with a couple of guys named Curtis and Yusuf who seemed to have the crowd mesmerized with their stuff and people surrounding them in a circle regularly. I tried my hand at what they were doing and got some attention myself including from those two guys who were impressed. I was apparently the first white boy they met...their words, not mine...who could actually dance and do a lot of the stuff they could do. Honestly, it made me feel pretty damn good because I never had that kind of praise before. Over the next few weekends we kept doing our thing and then the Newport stopped doing the weekend thing. I did try another nightclub a few doors down that eventually became a music store...it even had an elevator (I don't know what it is now or even if it's still standing)...for a couple of weekends after but it wasn't the same. I don't remember what exactly led me to the South Campus bars but by the end of November I had found my new club home for what would be the rest of my freshman year in Park Alley.
I had what I still believe to this day an amazing yet unreal experience during my time at Park Alley. I met up with so many people there that folks in some of my classes actually recognized me from dancing there. It's where I met guys such as Roger Byrd (RIP), Mike Tutt, Cory Pariseau, and the deejay Tommy D, with the latter two I still keep in touch with to this day. I also saw many, many very beautiful, very hot, very gorgeous girls and women which also served as my first real experience around such women in general. I've talked before several times about my hangups and intimidation of women I'm attracted to and, believe me, there were so many that came through Park Alley and High Energy that I had a hard time keeping my cool and not stumbling and just trying to be friendly if not outright friends with them...the dancing helped, obviously, but it was a nerve-wracking experience nonetheless. Even today many still notice that about me. Anyway, I remember one girl I met there named Jen Oxley who up to that point in my life was probably the hottest and gorgeous girl I had met. I don't normally name names here but she definitely deserves a special mention in this case. Let's just say this...she was so hot that a couple years later after the club closed when we had a class together she came to my dorm room to drop off an assignment from a class I missed and she, my roommates and I got to talking when my girlfriend at the time walked in and showed one of the most obvious jealous streaks I had ever seen even to this day. My girlfriend actually freaked out for a few days afterward over seeing her just talk to me...mind you, my roommates were in the room but she still freaked. That's how hot Jen was. I had a huge crush on her while going to the club but I never did act on it, partly because I was scared and partly because I had no clue how to act on it, but one big thing I do remember about her was that she dated a guy who abused her. It got so bad that I actually saw the jerk punch her at the club. He actually slugged her. I was fuming over it but I couldn't do anything about it because he was somewhat of a dangerous person and I wasn't sure it was my place to get involved. I can never fathom how someone so beautiful would allow anyone to abuse them in any fashion, but it was my first real upfront experience with domestic violence. She did eventually dump the chump and moved on. I have no idea what happened with her after that class we shared in 1993 but she made a huge impression on me. There was also the bouncer Owen who was the first person I met who was one of the nicest badasses I've met in my lifetime...he was a tough guy but he was also so cordial and just a cool guy all around. I've met a few bouncers like that over the years but Owen was the first.
Along with the people I met up with there, there was the dancing. Me, Roger, Mike, Cory, other people who'd roll through...we did a lot of dancing there. I did a lot of people watching there which led to my later interest and degree in sociology. I got drunk for the first time in my life there with a bunch of 10 cent screwdrivers...yes, the alcohol was cheap at that time. I only drank a couple of times there, maybe three, because I had the dancing going for me and didn't need liquid courage as much as some club patrons there felt they needed to. With all the great stuff that went on during my time at Park Alley, I never did much actual club hopping even with the concentration of clubs and bar in the area at the time. It was the experience that led me to start just being a regular at other clubs like Flyers, Club Dance, Banana Joes, Harry Buffalo, the Outside Corner, Club Polaris, currently the Red Fox and other past ones, sticking to one club as opposed to doing a ton of bar hopping. I've always preferred sticking to one spot because my experiences at Park Alley made me see the potential of doing so. I think the closest experience I've had to that have been the Club Dance/Big Easy which is something I got to share with people not just from Columbus but from Akron as well which I've talked about several times before. Near the end of the school year the club and several other nearby ones closed because the owner became a felon and I guess because of the circumstances he wasn't allowed to own any alcoholic establishments. One of the regrets I do have in my life is that I wasn't there for the last weekend, Memorial Day weekend in 1992 that Park Alley was open. I didn't have a choice in the matter and partially because I wasn't there I had a nightmare weekend that ended up leading to a lot of bad & even terrifying things happening to me that affect me to this day. One of the “what-if” thoughts I've had over the years is how different things would have turned out if only I had stayed at OSU and went to Park Alley that last weekend it was open. Despite those circumstances, I really had the time of my life at that place. I wouldn't trade my experiences there for anyone else's in the world. It's the experiences I had there that have led to some of the greatest things, the greatest people and the greatest joy I've had in my life and something I think God for every day.
- Over the years I've talked about various people who had the belief that I wanted to just live in the past, in what supposedly only I saw as great times at various clubs and that I treated them like it was still those days. Reminiscing about my time at Park Alley made me realize a few things about myself and there's some things I've been dying to say to many of these people for years. This isn't about anybody who's actively a part of my life today and it might repeat some stuff I've said before but there is a couple new wrinkles I know I haven't talked about so this is a good a time as any. Yes, I do believe there were a lot of great times at those places. Were they perfect times? Sometimes yes, sometimes hell no, but they were memorable to me nonetheless. I suspect those folks might remember things differently or they had a different experience from mine which may account for their difference in recollections. I'm not a mind reader so I'm not certain of that but that's my educated guess. I also believe that a lot of times where I have talked about the past they might have gotten the idea that I wanted to live there again. Let me make some things clear about where I stand on that kind of stuff so that there's no confusion in the future. First off, I do NOT want to live in the past. Sure it might be nice to visit there and reminisce but I really don't want to actually be there. Why, do you ask? Simply put, because there is so much good stuff potentially to come in the future. Sure, there were a lot of good times but the ones to come have the potential to be so much better that even those, whether they be in the club or not. Why stay in the past when the future might be even better? It baffled me when people did accuse me of doing that specifically but I don't believe they may have known where I was coming from. Something else I want to address was how I treated some of those people back in the day. To those folks I ask...was I really all that bad? Seriously, just because I bring up something from back in the day that you automatically think the worst of intentions? I honestly can't speak for some of your experiences but I can speak for mine. I thought I treated you pretty well and thought we were cool back then. If there was anything I thought you would want to take going forward, it would be that. There were also times where I may not have seen some of you for months or even years at a time. Yeah, of course I might want to reminisce but that's only to establish something going forward. Many of you who did this talked about “how things have changed” and all that. So...the hell...what! That's the nature of life...change. I know that as well as anybody. Yeah, some things stay the same but a lot has changed for me and I know it has for a lot of you. Many of you complained to others...yes, I have heard the complaints...that I do this talking about back in the day “all the time”. Bull! I don't do this “all the time”. I know for certain that in most of your cases if not all of them I haven't seen you for months or years at a time, so all I have to go on is what happened back then and maybe seeing your Facebook status or Twitter to see what's going on and hoping things are good right now but you still whined when I'd bring things up. Maybe I'm digging, to get an idea where you are now. Maybe I'm trying to get a read on you. Maybe I want to go forward with you and want to root that in the good stuff from the past. It doesn't mean I want to live there again. Geez, some of you went ape over that and I worry you might do so again if this comes up. Now, for those of you I'm talking about and those I'm not, you might be wondering why I'm getting riled up or just get heated over this. Well, what I'm sick of is people trying to deny me my life experiences just so they can stay safe in the misery they scrounged up regarding their own. I can see it. I see the irritation. I see the changes in perspective. I see shame in some instances, a lot of it unjustified. When I've dealt with this before it's caused me unnecessary grief for long stretches and I'm sick of it. I will say there is a possibility I will be dealing with them in some way in the future and if they happen to be reading this...trust me when I tell you I am not trying to live in the past. If people have different recollections, that's one thing, but treating people like they're trying to relive past glory when that's not what's going on is another thing altogether. If you have some bad memories about the past and I somehow remind you of that when talking about past stuff, maybe you'd better check yourself before you wreck yourself, for lack of a better term, because I hate seeing wrecks.
- What I'm about to talk about is not about me...at least not right now if it ever will be. However, this is something I might face sometime down the line so this might end up becoming advice to myself that I might need to follow so I'm putting this here just in case of that. I've noticed several people, some friends and others I just know about, who lament not having a significant other in their lives. Some of them rant about the wrongs of the people they fell for who wronged them. Some of them wonder why they can't find someone to even date. I have actually seen several of them who have projected their own loneliness on others in the hopes of dealing with that loneliness. For all the people I'm talking about here, I've also noticed one major telling thing about them...they have an awful lot of friends and acquaintances. I mean a whole lot of them. Here's a thought I had when looking at these single people and the huge amount of friends and acquaintances...why not consider some of them as people to date? I'm talking about those whose gender you are attracted to, obviously, but why not look in that direction? I'm not talking about those who jump into something as soon as they meet them nor am I talking about those who started out dating and then just ended up friends later. I'm talking about potentially taking an already existing friendship to a higher level. You can always find reasons or excuses to keep people as just friends or acquaintances especially if they might not be considered a "perfect fit"...it happens all the time and sometimes it's a hard habit to even consider changing. It's "safe" to be like that. Quite frankly, I'm like that but I am speaking to those folks who are more likely to be braver than I am right now. I just wonder if it is in some of them to consider expanding their dating or relationship pool more to include those they might already have a comfort level with as friends or whatever level they're at currently. I bet they're wondering if it's too much of a risk to a friendship to pursue something like this. I would easily answer "Yes!" There is always a risk. There's a risk anyway even if there wasn't a friendship beforehand. Honestly, I think there actually may be less of a risk than with a complete stranger because there is already a level of established comfort there. It might make for a solid foundation for something more. A few years ago one of my female friends started dating a guy she was friends with for years...now she is married to him, they have a couple of kids, and they have the kind of love and relationship and happiness that I want for myself with a woman. Now, I see the potential for a lot of my friends to have that for themselves who are already in a position to actually find someone in the same way. It kills me to see some of them so unhappy about their love lives that they can't see that the person he or she is looking for might already be there for the taking. I want to see them be happy with someone but I don't want them to limit their options to the point where they end up with some jerk who might make them more bitter. I guess here's the question I would probably ask myself if this came up...would you like to have something great with someone you just met or have something even greater with someone you already know? Just my two and a half cents.
- Song on Repeat: "Bring Em Out" by T.I. This is a song that just screams "rebellion" to me. It's a high energy, in-your-face ditty and potential entrance music for those who might consider themselves a rebel. I think it fits with this edition of DJRT.
- Shoutouts: Ernest W., Jenny K., Sarah & Dave, Paula H., Melissa, Alan, Paula M., Aunt Sue, Holly, Cara, Ron M., Bob & Lynn, Stan, Kevin, Brandon, Mary S., Zach (Christian), Michelle W., and Sean D.
I actually had a few more things I could have added to this edition but I think they'll keep for another time. I know I may have been a little heavy-handed and deeper than usual with some of the stuff today but I was able to get it out and that's what mattered to me. I'm hoping to hit up a wrestling show this upcoming weekend but I hope the weather improves a bit first. Overall, I just want my 70s and sun back, sooner than later. Until next time, folks. Take care and God Bless.
DJ
