Greetings once again from me. It's been somewhat of a slow week, but I do have stuff on my mind. With that in mind, so to speak, enjoy.
- I have finally done it...after two and a half years I have left Myspace as of last Friday. Most of my friends are on Facebook now, so if anybody is looking for me on the internet, send them my way via Facebook.
- Speaking of Facebook, why do they seem to put out changes that nobody wants yet the ones that are most necessary and most asked for stay ignored? I think Facebook needs to hire more people who are actually responsive and accurately listening to what user want and ask for...it doesn't seem like they have too many of those types at the moment.
- As you've already noticed, I've named today's edition the "calling" edition. Before I start talking about that, I want to say now that I'm not sure this is going to come across here the way it does in my mind and may seem confusing and rambling at times. Bear with me because it's something I've not talked about formally before and it is a subject matter that is somewhat....embarassing is not the word I want to use here, but it's something close and I don't know if I'll get out all that I want to get out. I'm in my mid to late 30's, I have a good idea of who and what I am as a person and sometimes a social being, and I have a general idea where I stand on many fronts. However, one thing that has long eluded me for most of my life is whether I have a calling in it. I'm not talking about a purpose in life here. I already know I want to do good, work within the greater good, and help wherever I can...that's not in doubt. Questions I ask myself regarding this include "is there something that is beckoning me to action that I'm not getting yet" and "am I where I need to be to do the things I must?" Those are two common ones but there is one that I get asked and still ask myself: "what do you want to do with your life?" To be completely honest, I don't really know and I never really have known, even now.
It's not for lack of trying, whether it be putting it in the Lord's hands, putting it in the hands of the people around me such as friends and family, or trying to do it on my own. I have gone from job to job, taking my time in-between jobs to sort things out, trying to make as much of a living as I can, returned to college and got my degree, moved around to find the best place to make a living, learning as many different skills as I'm able to, taking tons of advice from people...I've done an awful lot just in trying to find that "calling", but here I am still with the questions. When something like this is brought up in social conversation and especially when it regards me, I'm at a loss. I hem and haw around it, sometimes giving answers in the hope that people will just want to stop talking about it. As uncomfortable as this is for me, I have tried to bring it up myself several times to some people, but generally it's when I'm not prepared to deal with what they have to say because I'm so uncomfortable with the subject. I guess the best description of where I am in all of this is something I got from the first Zorro movie with Antonio Banderas: I am a man in search of a vision...or calling, as the case may be even though I'm not sure there's something tangible for me to look for right now.
I admire those who do have that calling and follow it and also those who already just "know" what it is they're getting out of life or knowing the path they want to follow. Given that admiration, there are some historically that I have encountered...not recently but from time to time...that whenever this comes up as a subject, they come across as though they take it for granted, like they expect everybody should naturally or already have it. When I'm talking with these folks and they notice the disparity between where they're at and where I'm at, they seem so dumbfounded as to why, and I quote here, I'm "not doing anything about it" or "doing this" or "doing that" and start getting critical. Backhanded compliments and insults accompany some of this criticism, with them calling me lazy, unmotivated, even stupid and a coward...that's just a taste of what I've had to put up with and I feel like less of a human being after being around them. Sometimes I just want to proverbially hit them upside the back of their heads just to show them that they don't get it or maybe even get me, but I digress. I try to be understanding of and patient with them even when they're not, but it's difficult.
There are a few reasons I'm sharing this today. One is that a couple of my friends seem to be facing changes in and challenges to either their callings or the paths in where they see their lives are going. I admire them for facing what they feel they have to and wanted them to know I support them in whatever paths they choose. Second, remember when I wrote about those two "longstanding problems" that got combined into one from the end of last year and the first part of this year? Well, this was it...this was the big "combined" problem that was vexing me...finding my calling and my path. This has been a big undercurrent in my life for years now dating back to my teens. Events happened last year that changed a lot of things for me and really got me to start thinking about this in ways that were both good and bad for me at the same time. I'm not gonna go into specifics here but at the time I wasn't capable of bringing anything about this to light without it causing some major ripples in too many areas of my life and that of others. At several times in my life this has been a problematic thing, one that I have not had any real answers for or any to give, and as a result I've had to step back or step completely away. The end of last year was one of those times. Third, if I didn't talk about it now, then when? I knew in my heart that I would eventually have to put words to this in order to face what I needed to face and I finally mustered up enough courage to get this out in the open so I can hopefully start dealing with this more effectively. Now, I'm not asking for any input or help right now in this nor do I want any at this point because it's hard enough just to talk about. If I need it I will ask for it. The fourth and final reason I'm putting this here is that after a year of big changes, the next year may have even bigger changes in store for me and I wanted to note it now so I wouldn't forget later. I have a vague vision of what some of those changes might entail but nothing I'm willing to share just yet...you'll have to wait for that.
- That was a long-winded blurb. Take a breath here before going on.
- A quick plug for my church: Crossroads World Christian Center ministered by Pastor Cory Pariseau. A quick note here: I have agreed to become a caller for bingo at the church. Not everything is set in stone just yet because apparently there are things that still need worked out (not on my end), but I'm hoping this gets going soon.
- On Monday, scheduled for WTTE 28 was the Steelers/Vikings game earlier today. After me calling (there's that word again) and other people contacting the station, by Tuesday we were able to get the Browns/Packers game on instead. I'm not sure that all the effort was worth it because...........
- Let's face it, the Cleveland Browns stink. I am a fan and I still support them, but I can't avoid the fact that there is a lot of work that needs done with this team in order to make something of this season. A lot of people think it's because of the head coach, but I think they're putting way too much on him and not enough on the other coaches and many of the players themselves, especially the running backs, the wide receivers and the defensive backs. Head coach Eric Mangini just got hired this season and he's being ripped to shreds in the media...to me he probably only deserves maybe half of what he's getting in the criticism department, but he is a convenient scapegoat. The funny thing is that there are actually three or four other teams that are tangibly doing much worse than the Browns right now.
- On the flip side, the OSU Buckeyes looked a lot better against Minnesota yesterday. If they win the rest of their games, they win the Big Ten title and likely a berth in the Rose Bowl. Lose just one and they are out of the Big Ten title picture. Now, if only Terrelle Pryor can learn how to make defensive reads and adjustments...
- I watched the latest South Park episode titled "WTF." It was a wrestling-themed episode. For those of you who watched it, I should tell you that there are actually people out there who truly believe that wrestling is EXACTLY how the boys portrayed it in the episode. I met several of them at a PPV years ago...believe me, that is just too freaky.
- Song on repeat: "Bang A Gong (Get It On)" by T. Rex. Originally made in 1971, it got into my head after watching the G.I. Joe movie. The hook from it was used in a different song during one of the training sequences.
- SLP to the following: Jermaine, Dave, Holly, Chris H., Cheryl (happy birthday), my cousin Scotty (again, happy birthday), my aunts Susie, Sandi, & Claudia (happy birthday, all), Laura & Todd (congrats), Shadow (thanks for the kind words), Daryl, Eugene, George, and Pastor Cory.
This blog has been sort of taxing and I'm hungry, so I'm gonna take off now. I'll be back soon with another set of Random Thoughts, so until then....take care and God Bless.
DJ
