- This edition is called the "snapshot" edition. I think everyone pretty much knows what a snapshot is, but the kind of snapshots I'm talking about here are not specifically the physical picture-types. For example, there was a time where I used to wear a track suit to Club Dance for several months straight back in the mid 90's. It got some attention and after a while got on a lot of people's nerves. A couple of my friends had to sit me down and plead with me to stop wearing it all the time. What I never told anybody was the real reason I wore it all the time...one day I did my laundry and because of problems with the laundry machines I lost almost my entire wardrobe...and I lost a lot of really good stuff. I didn't have much money at the time (when did I ever) and only had enough money for basic living expenses. I did have the track suit so I just wore it. That was always intended to be temporary but I didn't expect to take so long rebuilding my wardrobe. By the time those guys sat me down I did have enough clothes to go out in so when I went home I literally threw the track suit in the dumpster as it had run its course. It might not be something a lot of people remember but it's something I didn't forget. That's an example of the type of snapshot I'm talking about in this edition...the points in time and memories that we remember or hold on to.
Now there are many reasons why we keep snapshots. In a lot of cases we hold onto them to remember those that have passed away or may never see again, especially the good times we had with them. Sometimes we hold onto them as examples of times we were either at our best or our worst. There are many other cases where we keep snapshots but I want to highlight two potentially competing ones that have happened regarding me particularly. A lot of you already know that I've had to leave a lot of things and situations for a variety of reasons...jobs, the Akron area twice, the Columbus area twice, different clubs, fan clubs, friends, family, projects, the list could go on. In many instances it might have taken me a long time but I have been able to come back to some of those situations or places or people. Before things like Myspace & Facebook came along, when I would return all I had to go with were those snapshots of how those people or places were before I had left them. This was the case for me back in 2004 when I returned to Columbus to go to OSU again and hopefully reconnect with some of those people, more specifically the people I used to regularly hang out with at the clubs. Some aspects and things hadn't changed at all even after all that time but did that mean I wasn't aware that there wasn't any change at all? No, definitely not, especially since I had gone through a bunch of changes myself. However, for many of those people, it seemed like the impression I was giving was that I was trying to go "back to the past" and try to live there again. That was not my intention but again I was working with those old snapshots initially so I can see why they may have thought that way. On the flip side, there was their snapshots of me...what they remembered me to be, which some of them informed me of through their explanations to me of what they thought or felt. Specifically they talked about how I had left suddenly back in 1998 with very little explanation and, as some of them made really clear to me, my nomadic attempts to return to Columbus in 2000 (as well as other things where I had absolutely no idea where they were coming from or what they were thinking). I told those people and others I was having a nervous breakdown then but, though it may have looked like one, that wasn't actually the case...maybe someday I'll talk about that but for this blurb I just want to point out those other folks' snapshots of me. They held onto those specific instances as a reminder to be wary of me, which is something I can understand...it's something I'd do myself if put in the same situation. But at the same time, they acted as though they couldn't see that I had changed myself and gotten past some of my issues, like they themselves were holding on to their own snapshots for dear life. Maybe they were scared to not look at anything else, I don't know. I have this itchy feeling that even today some of them are holding onto those snapshots from that time (for crying out loud, I'm 40 now!) but I can't confirm that.
I know for those people and others I may never change their minds or their snapshots of me but I did want to highlight the power of snapshots, of memories and how we choose to remember or in some cases misremember them. There are a lot of questions I think we all face in regard to snapshots such as: What kinds of snapshots do we take and keep? Should we see them as good or bad? How different are other peoples' snapshots compared to our own? How long should we hold onto them? Should we hold onto them? Can we change them? On this subject, I think the answers are going to vary depending on each individual person and their circumstances.
- That last blurb was more of a stream of consciousness-type entry so if anyone gets confused where I was going with it give me a buzz and I'll try to clear it up...or maybe confuse you even more, who knows?
- Like I alluded to in the first blurb, I turned 40 earlier this month. In the past after birthdays I would have some major letdowns in mood and circumstances and have to deal with lows after having the highs that came from my birthday. After an awesome birthday last year I had an equal low for some time after that I couldn't shake. Because I've already been going through a rough time and been trying to figure out some things in my life I really didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year even though I was turning 40. I didn't want to face those potential lows on top of what I'm already dealing with. Despite the non-celebration, I did actually have a decent birthday. I do want to think all of you who wished me a happy birthday...that still means a lot to me. I got some new shorts that now fit me since I lost all that weight and some new shoes for the first time in years. As far as the highs and lows have been it's been pretty much an even keel for me, so I guess that's progress. I did have a first on my birthday itself...I saw a rainbow. I tried to get a pic but it happened too quick for me to get a good one. I can say this year it wasn't great but it wasn't bad either.
- I want to remind people that there is now a store here on the blog and that I'm selling t-shirts and other knick-knacks to help promote myself and the blog. I now have an actual t-shirt to show off as proof that I'm really doing this. Here's a snapshot of the shirt (there's that edition name again...):
- With this being my 40th year on planet Earth, I have been doing a lot of reminiscing and thinking about people I haven't thought about in a long time. I'm not talking about anybody on my Facebook or family or other friends...I mean people like former co-workers & acquaintances that have come and gone in my life, some to return and some not to, that would be forgotten except for when I reminisce. I did do some Google & Facebook searching and found out what some of them were up to or where they might be in their lives currently. There was unfortunately one person I knew back in my 2nd stint at OSU that I discovered passed away about four years ago. Here name was Verena Cornelsen and she was one of my classmates in a Communication class. I had a crush on her and actually got to kiss her once but that's as far as it got and we went our separate ways before I graduated. It did shock me to hear of her passing and got me to quickly search up some exes just to make sure that didn't happen to them (as far as I can tell, it hasn't). Even though those relationships ended, that doesn't mean I don't think about my exes every once in a while (being single & unattached can cause that) and the snapshots I have from those times I was with them. Rest in peace, Verena.
- Recently something is happening that hasn't happened this strongly in probably 10 years...I'm getting the serious itch to start going out again. I've had the basic itch many times since I've weaved in and out of different social scenes over the past two decades or so but the serious strong ones have only happened twice before so for me this is big especially since I never thought I'd have it again. I think going out to those MCW shows and hanging out with my friends Bob and Lynn are affecting me strongly here as well as a couple of recent conversations I had with some old friends...maybe being couped up for the past few months is getting to me too. In any case, the itch is back. However, because of all the changes I'm facing and dealing with, I want to do things differently. In the past, I would try to scratch the itch just by simply going to the club and dancing and that would be it. This time, I want more. I want more then just dancing. The dancing might be there but I'm not sure on that since the last time I went was last June. I want more of those wrestling shows. I want to go to concerts and other live shows. I want to travel and do stuff. I want more stuff that I can blog about here. I don't know how or if I'm going to do anything about it or even if the itch is going to pass or not, but I can't ignore what I've been feeling especially since it isn't a regular thing. I guess this will have to be a case of wait-and-see here.
- I want to talk about a new website that has popped up in the last month for those of you who might want some extra education for free. It's called Coursera and it is a site that hosts free online education courses from some of the top universities in the country like Stanford, Berkeley, and Penn. The main reason I'm bringing it up is that one of my cousins who works at Penn is teaching a calculus course starting in August and I thought this blog might bring him some potential students. If any of you want to take his course here's the link to that: Calculus: Single Variable at Coursera. Like I said, the classes are free, so if you're interested check out Coursera.
- In a couple of days the 2012 NFL Draft takes place. The Browns have a lot of needs to fill but with the current management in place I feel they're probably going to do very well this year. I've been warming up to Trent Richardson (RB) for the 4th pick and Stephen Hill (WR) from Georgia Tech with the 22nd pick, but whatever happens I hope the Browns continue to improve through the draft like how they've been preaching.
- Song on Repeat: "I Don't Want To Be" by Gavin DeGraw. I've used this one several times in the past as a Song on Repeat but with the end of One Tree Hill (RIP) and me using a different song in the last edition, I thought I'd use it here. This is also the first time I've been able to get a decent version to post. Since it put Gavin DeGraw on the map and is one of my favorites, once again here's the song:
- SLP to the following: Holly, Tony C., Rhonda, Ernest, Bob, Lynn, Pastor Cory, Aunt Sue, Aunt Sandy, Al, Todd, everyone who wished me a happy birthday, Jack, Justin Mane, Rhonda, Jenny K., Daryl, Bo, Josh W., Shasta, Jay, Stacey, and Mindy.
That's all for this edition. I've got to go eat dinner now, so until next time, folks...take care and God Bless.
DJ
