Hello and welcome to the 99th edition of DJ's Random Thoughts. Since this will be the last edition of Random Thoughts for a while, I have a lot to say. An advisory to everybody before I go forward (just so it's out there): things I say today may make some people happy, some people sad, possibly leave some angry or confused, and what I say might be hard to swallow at points. With that in mind, enjoy:
- The word "requiem" can been defined as a "hymn, composition or service for the dead." Usually a requiem happens when something has ended or is about to end soon. No, I'm not talking about DJ's Random Thoughts here but it is something that is one of the reasons I'm taking an extended hiatus from this blog. After a lot of careful consideration and looking at how things and events have been going, I've decided to move out in mid to late September and leave central Ohio. I'll get to the factors and reasons behind this decision in the next few blurbs but the bottom line is things aren't working out for me here anymore. This is not related to that new beginning I've been talking about, which I'll be referring to from here on as my dream as that is pretty much all it is right now...at least until it becomes reality. I'm not sure where I'm gonna end up yet, but the tentative game plan for right now is that I'll be staying with my parents up in Akron for a while and then figure out what I'll do from there. This was not a decision made lightly, but it was one that more or less has been coming for some time now. Depending on where I end up, I'll probably have to sell off some stuff from my apartment but I won't know exactly what until I'm certain of where I'm going to be. I'll post more info about that on Facebook when I get a better idea of what I'll exactly need when I get closer to moving. Unless something major happens between now and then to keep me here, by the time October hits I'll no longer be a resident of central Ohio.
- The next few blurbs will be a bit long, rambling, free-flowing and possibly all over the place, so bear with me. A lot has happened in my time in Columbus. I started out as a kid who just changed his name to D.J. entering the Ohio State University. As most of you know, I've actually had two stints in Columbus. The first stint ended rather abruptly in a personally humiliating fashion and I had to move back to Tallmadge for a few years. After a few abortive attempts at returning in the interim, in 2004 I finally returned to Columbus and have been here ever since. To say my journey has been adventurous and eventful would be an understatement. I earned my Bachelor of Arts from Ohio State...no small feat since it took me 13 years to get it. I became a born-again Christian and made a lot of friends and acquaintances. I started a blog that has been running in some shape or form for well over four years now. I've done a lot during my time in Columbus. With all that, some of you are probably wondering why I'm leaving Columbus now even after the good that has happened to me here.
- Let me start with something I revealed some time ago: I've never really known what I've wanted to do with my life or my future. Sure I've had dreams and ideas and told different people many different things, but for the most part I've been a drifter just trying to get to or through the next thing to come along in my life. That "emergency management thinking" stuff I've talked about before played a big part in that. Something I've never revealed before is that the drifting extended to my college life as well. Despite what I've said to people in the past, I didn't go to college to get a better career or job. If it would have helped me get one, great, but I didn't go there with that purpose in mind. At first, I did it just because I didn't want to be where I was and thought that since it was what was expected of me anyway and I had "good" grades from grade school, I went. Now even though I picked my major based on my strengths and capabilities, I had no clue what I was really going to do with it. I got disillusioned, stressed, hassled, and had so many problems near the end of my first go-round at OSU that it was briefly relieving when I left. After going back to Akron and getting some desperately needed therapy, I did return to OSU. On that second go-round, I did have some hope that it "might" lead to something job-wise but again I had nothing specific planned on that front. The primary reason for going back was more personal. Being the drifter that I was, I never had a major milestone in my life that I could hang my hat on, so to speak, until I earned my degree. Again, if the degree helped me in the employment department, fine, but I felt that the sense of accomplishment that came from just getting it regardless of what it was in was something I needed more at that point in my life. Even with my degree, however, I've still struggled to find my way and have put off many because of it, which leads to the next thing leading me away from central Ohio...
- For as long as I can remember and in talking about ad nauseum, I've struggled (and that's being diplomatic) with being behind the 8-ball on the socialization front and in being a social being, and not just on a personal level. For so long I had put up this "people person" front that I used in whatever situations I would need that persona for. However, it was a front that cost me more than it helped, especially in the workplace. It hit me a few years ago that it wasn't working any longer and I needed to make changes in how I dealt with people in general. The most important thing I had to do on that front was try to communicate more effectively with others. This blog is a direct result of those efforts and for the most part it's been a major blessing. However, something happened a couple of years ago related to the blog that led me to where I am socially today.
A couple summers ago I wrote something that upset and confused several people and they made their feelings known. Even thought I had no problem with them expressing their dissatisfaction with what I said, I wrote a follow-up blog defending what I said before. Apparently, one guy who I thought was a good friend apparently took offense to my defense and informed me that he and other friends of mine I was regularly social with got together and agreed to not invite me to their events and stuff anymore, effectively kicking me to the curb. I was upset and in disbelief, to say the least. I showed a couple people what this guy wrote just to make sure I was reading it correctly and they seemed shocked themselves. A couple months later I let this group know through the blog that I wanted nothing to do with them if that's how they wanted things to be. Fast forward about four months where I saw something that caused me to question whether I should have taken that guy at his word. After speaking with a couple of those friends from that group, I realized that this guy lied to me and that I inadvertantly damaged several friendships based on his lies. I felt like a damned fool. I took this guy at his word and got burned by him.
After all this went down and as a result of what this one guy did, I started seriously questioning who I could trust here in Columbus, who I should hang out with here, who were friends and who were only acquaintances, etc. Throughout that whole ordeal the only people I felt I could put my faith in locally were my friends Dave, Ernest, Holly, Cheryl, and Cory and I probably couldn't have gotten through all that without them so they have my utmost gratitude. After the soul searching questioning stuff I have a good idea now where I stand with folks but this ordeal brought my social life outside of the Browns Backers to a standstill. With all the stuff going on with my friends now in their lives and everything else that's happened on the social front I realize that I'm not a part of the social fabric here any longer.
- Along with the stuff I've talked about already, it seems that fate itself is leading me away from the central Ohio region. Several places I used to hang out at have closed over the past few years. Friends are moving on with their lives. My local grocery store just closed up. That wouldn't be so bad if I had a working car (CV joint/transaxle problem) and didn't have to walk everywhere. Heck, my cable company who I've had since I've been in my current place (and actually prefer) is being bought out by logistical nightmare Time Warner. I'm wanting to follow my dreams but I'm not in any position right now to realistically pursue it. It just seems like I've worn out my welcome in Columbus. I've had a good run but I think it's time for me to move on.
- With the timing of this move and this being the 99th edition, I thought this would be a good time to take this extended hiatus. Even though I won't be actively blogging for a while I'll be doing some behind the scenes work, getting some stuff set up in time for the 100th edition of the blog. I've set up a Facebook fan page dedicated exclusively to DJ's Random Thoughts where I will be exclusively posting the links to the latest editions from now on. For what I've got planned, I have a feeling I'm going to need it. While you're there visiting, don't forget to "like" it so that you can keep up with the latest on the blog. Also before the 100th edition I will be testing some things on the blog where I will need feedback from you readers as to how well things work or look. I'll post that info on the fan page when I need the feedback.
- Moving on from the personal stuff, as you probably know by now the NFL lockout ended over a couple weeks ago and the preseason has started. The Browns started their preseason last Saturday facing and defeating the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers. The first team was only in there for about three series but they looked real good out there. I do believe the backup positions need some more shoring up, though. With all the stuff in my life going on and the lockout, I haven't been as much into the Browns this offseason, but so far they look alright. I hope that wherever I'm at I can find a Browns Backers group to be a part of.
- Songs on repeat: "Maybe It's Time" by Keane and "Vienna" by Billy Joel. For this edition I couldn't choose just one song so I went with two. Both have something to do with what's coming up. The Keane song is pretty cut and dry, but with the Billy Joel song there are some lines in it that are inspiring me while I'm going through all this. Now, normally I would post the songs here on the blog but this time out I'll just recommend going to YouTube to find them. If anybody needs help finding them just give me a buzz.
- SLP to the following: Daryl, Debbie, Cheryl, Dave, Holly, Ernest, Salina (happy birthday), Pastor Cory, Harry (happy birthday), Traci M. (happy birthday), Paula, Griff, Aunts Claudia & Sue, and Tracy.
That's it for this edition. Don't forget to check out the fan page for this blog using the link from a few blurbs above. This is the end of an era here for me in Columbus and the next edition will be coming from wherever I end up. I want to thank you all who have been loyal readers of my blog and look forward to seeing you back when I return from my hiatus. If everything goes according to what I hope for, the next edition will be the start of a brand new era for not just the blog but yours truly. Until that time, folks....take care and God Bless.
DJ
