- I called this entry the "ghost" edition because the idea of being a virtual ghost has been on my mind a lot recently. Have you felt ignored or left behind? Have people around you treated you like you stopped mattering to them? Is this happening at work, when you're out socially like at a club or a meeting, or even in your own home? Are people seemingly looking through you rather than directly at you? When speaking to people, do you feel like it's going in one ear and out the other and whatever you say is disregarded completely? Well, to be honest, even though some recent developments have changed a few things in a good way for me (I'll get to those later in the blog), I have had these feelings and I know of a lot of other people who have had them too...and when I say a lot of people, I mean probably more than a dozen or so that I have noticed or witnessed firsthand in some fashion. I can't speak for those other folks but for me whenever I don't choose to be a ghost it isn't a pleasant feeling whatsoever, to say the least. The good thing about feelings in general is that they are temporary, but generally speaking I hate feeling like I don't matter or that I'm not important. In thinking about this subject, I've came up with a creative essay that is a follow-up and a companion to the "Loneliness" essay I did a while back that I would like to share with you all regarding this. I'd like to dedicate it to those people who may feel like a ghost themselves and to let them know my thoughts are with you. It goes a little something like this:
What It Feels Like To Be A Ghost
What does it feel like to be a ghost? It feels like people know that you're there but look through you like you're not. It feels like an imperfect memory that was once clear but is now hazy. It feels like something that is on the tip of your tongue but you just can't figure out what it is. It feels like echoes of times past both good and bad. It feels haunting, like you're holding onto something that you just can't let go of. It feels like a passing thought that is ultimately inconsequential and insignificant. If feels like you are the forgotten, prey to the mercies of the sands of time. It feels like you are simply a momentary distraction. If feels like you do not matter or factor into the grand scheme of things. It feels like your insignificance and loneliness grow by every beat your heart takes. It does not feel like ignorance because to ignore something takes active thought. It can feel like sadness or relief. It can feel good not to be thought of in a bad light but feel bad to not be thought of in a good light...if you are thought of at all. It feels like you are invisible yet not. That is what it feels like to be a ghost.
- You'd think that after reading that last blurb, I might actually be feeling like that right now. Until a few days ago I did. However, several things have occurred that have brightened my mood. One of those things happened Thursday evening. It's been six years, but the Cleveland Browns have finally gotten a monkey off their backs by beating the Pittsburgh Steelers. It's also the first time in nine years that they beat them at home. For Browns fans like myself, beating our arch-rivals is always something worth celebrating and I know of a few Steelers fans who are seething about it. Why are they seething, you ask? Well, let's put this in perspective: the lowly Cleveland Browns, who haven't won squat this year and weren't expected to beat anybody, beat their World Champion arch-rivals, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and virtually ended their hopes of being in this year's playoffs. Now, mathematically speaking the Steelers still have a shot at the playoffs, but the odds are not really in their favor at this juncture. The Browns have pulled off something that to my recollection they have never done before, and for right now I'm happy about that.
- Despite the win over the Steelers, the Browns still have a lot of issues and are still having a lousy season. People are still calling for coach Eric Mangini's head and want him fired even though it's only his first season in Cleveland. Players are getting injured left and right and several defensive starters are out for the season. However, one thing has happened that might benefit them in an addition-by-subtraction kind of way and that is the retirement of Jamal Lewis. It's a shame that his career was ended by injury, but for the most part I believe it's a good thing that he's not on the field anymore. Now, a lot of people have praised him for his bruising style of running with the ball, especially when he was with the Baltimore Ravens, and people have noticed he'd lost a step or two while playing for Cleveland. However, over the past couple of seasons I noticed that Lewis picked up a bad habit that may have cost the Browns big time. Whenever he had the ball in his possession he would actually go after defensive players with the intent on knocking them down and running through them. It didn't matter if the offensive line opened up a hole or not. Even if there was an obvious lane to run through, he would still target a defensive player when he had the ball. He would end up only picking up a yard or two and go down rather quickly afterwards, but that's how he was going to run seemingly regardless of whatever the game plan called for. I believe this may have cost the Browns games and contributed to the concussion that ended his career. I know of a lot of people that have called him a team player, but this habit I've noticed seemed to indicate otherwise. It may be due to the coaches not getting on him about it enough or them being too deferential to him because of his veteran status or that Lewis just wouldn't listen to them. Whatever the case may be, the running game has been more productive since he left and I don't think it's any stretch to say that it's because Jamal Lewis was not on the field.
- The Ohio State Buckeyes are set to play the Oregon Ducks in the Rose Bowl on New Year's Day. One thing that I'm not really happy about is the return of running back LeGarrette Blount to the Ducks, not because of his play but because of the crap he pulled at the end of the Boise State game. He was initially suspended for the rest of the year but they let him back on the team in the past few weeks. I think they should have stuck to that original punishment and kept him off the field, but what's done is done. I will say this...if he even thinks about trying to pull the stunts he did at the end of that Boise State game against the Buckeyes, he probably won't leave the Rose Bowl in one piece...just sayin'.
- Before I go to my next blurb...my church home: Crossroads World Christian Center ministered by Pastor Cory Pariseau.
- Next Saturday night I am being honored by my church, Crossroads World Christian Center, with the "Stand Up Award." It's an award given to a group or individual who shows great courage and strength when odds are against them to stand back up and fight the good fight. To say I am humbled by this is an understatement. To be recognized for doing good is always a great thing and I wish it happened more often with more people. This is a privilege I do not take lightly and I can only say at this point that I hope to continue to stand up and keep fighting the good fight. If anybody wants to come, it is a community-style potluck banquet that is open to the public. For those of you on Facebook, I have posted this event there so my friends there can find it, and for everyone else I suggest going to the Crossroads link in the previous blurb and click on "Events"...for the most part, if anybody has any questions about where it is, let me know. I encourage any of you able to do so to come celebrate this night with me because without your friendship and support I probably wouldn't be getting this award.
- A sad note: Eddie Fatu, the wrestler known as "Jamal" from the tag team 3 Minute Warning and more recently "Umaga" passed away recently. As Umaga, he was a beast in the ring and a great performer. he was on the verge of returning to WWE when he passed. He will be missed.
- Last week ABC Family aired a version of Mickey's Christmas Carol. In abbreviating it to a half-hour, they made it look choppy and disjointed at points. I was yelling "THEY BUTCHERED IT! THOSE BASTARDS!!!" It was pretty apparent that it was done for commercials, but people were cheated of some authenticity. I guess I'm lucky I already have the full version. ;)
- I'm working on getting some upgrades to my computer using eBay and other places looking for cheap prices. I still have to replace my power supply with a minimum 500W version and need a 512 MB AGP video card. I may be close to getting these soon given it's the Christmas season, so I'm hoping for the best.
- Song on repeat: "Lunatic Fringe" by Red Rider. The group is led by Tom Cochrane who is better known for the song "Life Is A Highway" (used in all those car commercials). I like it as potential entrance music, if I ever need to use any. Fat chance of that, but one can dream.
- SLP to the following: Holly, Dani (for posting that happy thought), Shane S. (belated happy birthday), Jim (again, belated happy b-day), Aunt Susie, Jennifer K., Steve, and Pastor Cory.
That's it for this edition. Before I go, I want to wish all my friends and family a safe and happy holiday and wish you all a Merry Christmas. My next blog (and last blog for this year) will have a personal review of events from 2009 as well as whatever other Random Thoughts come to mind. Until next time...have a Merry Christmas, take care and God Bless.
DJ
