Hello once again and welcome to the latest set of my random thoughts. I'm up because my sleep schedule is still a little messed up, so I decided to blog early today. I've got stuff I wanna get to and get off my chest that I'm just a little anxious to place somewhere besides inside my head. With that in mind, enjoy.
- Just to give you a heads up...the subtitle for today's edition, "step up," is more of a recurring theme with possibly different meanings per blurb. I'll do my best to describe each instance but I'm not making any guarantees how they'll come across.
- A couple of days ago I decided to start "stepping up" in maintaining my Myspace account starting with some serious trimming of my friends list. Some people are going to notice I'm not their Myspace friend anymore. If you are on Myspace reading this blog right now, I'm happy to say you're NOT dropped from my friends list and won't be (BTW, Facebook & elsewhere aren't affected whatsoever by this). Some of it was just some dead and unused Myspace profiles including one that hasn't been used in a couple years. However, with a couple of exceptions there was a particular group of people and a few associated with them that I've decided not to have anything to do with anymore and I think some of them saw this coming so it shouldn't have come as too much of a surprise.
Here is the bottom line for me on this: I stated some things a while back that this group of people didn't take to too well (some of you already know about that). In response they expressed sentiments that from my point of view were pretty harsh and seemed like they read way too much into what I was stating, like they thought they knew exactly what I was thinking or feeling or something along those lines. Ultimately their responses showed me that they had absolutely no clue where I was coming from, where I was going with it, or that there was no abject malice behind what I was talking about. Furthermore, it seemed like they didn't want to, preferring to stick to a "company line," for lack of a better term, in looking at and dealing with what I stated. They decided to uninvite me to the things they were doing...essentially they cut me out, with the caveat that I could go and "discuss" it with them. I've known these people way too long and too well to believe that this "discussion" would be no more than a lecture from them about who's right and wrong about this...that I'm wrong and they're right...and how this ultimately becomes all about them. I'm not playing that game. I decided to cut my ties to this group of people and also make it so that they don't have to deal with me, but in the event that they find a way to read this particular blog, the following is what I want them to know and understand:
I wrote something you didn't like to hear or see and there's no denying some of you were hurt by it thinking that it was about you personally. I won't lie to you and say I didn't go over what I stated over and over based on your comments, because I did. In doing that, and in knowing that what I said came honestly and from the heart, I cannot, will not, and would not take back a single thing I stated either originally or in response to you publicly. I'm standing by what I wrote and, honestly, I am proud of what I wrote. I can't always help it when what I say hurts and I feel bad that you were hurt. However, your reactions to this did violate my personal boundaries, especially with the attempted mind-reading, claiming to know where I was coming from when you didn't, and especially stating I expressed feelings I didn't have. Basically, you read way too much into what I said and you hurt me in your reaction. I didn't want to be cut off. I didn't want to be ostracized for this. Unfortunately, that's what happened and it was your choice to do so. That isn't under my control. Now, I did wait a while to see if there were any real attempts on conciliatory gestures from those of you I'm dropping, because since I already tried being reasonable about this with no response it would have to come from your end. There was none. Therefore, since you do not seem eager or respect me enough to at least meet me halfway, I'm done with this. The major reason I'm actually saying anything about this at all is because, as you all knew very well, I hate it when people turn their backs to me, yet that's what you did here and it hurts. The things you all stated about being friends and being "family" ring hollow and mean nothing because your most recent actions here demonstrated otherwise. As it seems that you want nothing to do with me, I'm moving on. I don't need your drama or your grief and you've made it clear you don't want mine. You don't have to acknowledge me and I won't try to bug you and you can all take things as personally as you want, but it's probably for the best right now to just let things lie. You made your choices and now I am finally stepping up to make mine.
Now, I know there are some of you who may object to how I'm going about this and even that I'm writing about it at all. I'm sorry if you do and apologize if you are truly offended, but please understand that this has been bugging me for a while now and I hope you can give me the benefit of the doubt on this particular matter. I'm not afraid of a dissenting or opposing opinion to mine or to see one expressed, but when it reaches the point where there is an obvious lack of understanding and/or a possible intentional misconstruction of what I'm trying to express and real world consequences come about as a result, I just can't let that slide for too long even with my patience. It's taking a lot just for me to acknowledge this not to mention publicly, but I've found my public blogging to be ultimately cathartic and healing and I have some boundaries to protect (and not just my own). So again, I hope you understand.
- Now you'd think after writing all that I'd be miserable. Well, yes, sometimes I have been, but it has really let up in the past week or so and I'm hoping that by putting that last blurb up and getting it out of my head the misery will ease up even more. It worked before....
- Last night the Cleveland Browns finally won a game, against the Detroit Lions. Now I know that it doesn't count because it's preseason, but a win is a win and I'm happy nonetheless. On top of that, I had a great time with the Westerville Browns Backers. We got a great new place in Jimmy V's and we'll be there for all the games. You'll probably see a "stepping up" in advertising from me about the group in the near future because, as I stated last week, I stepped up and am now the vice president of the Westerville chapter. Win or lose, I am devoted.
- My church home: Crossroads World Christian Center.
- Speaking of stepping up, the big reason for the subtitle and recurring theme this week is the "Step Up" movie franchise. I found copies of both Step Up 1 and 2, so I'm happy about that. I absolutely love the dancing and even the basic storylines from each. Next year probably in the summer (I think), Step Up 3D will be hitting the theatres...or straight-to-DVD, but whatever the case I'm looking forward to it.
- Even though I'm stepping up in many areas of my life, one area where I have decided to step down, at least for the foreseeable future, is my own dancing. It just hasn't been as good for me as it had been for various reasons, so I'm decreasing steadily my diet of it. I can see an eventual retirement from it, though I still might break things out a time or two like I did last night at Club Polaris. I don't think it's gonna be as often though, or as formal. I am pliable on this, but how to ply me is the key.
- Whouda thunk that Chad Johnson/Ocho Cinco/85/whatever-his-last-name could be a decent emergency kicker. He actually kicked an extra point on Thursday. I guess there's more to his skill set than any of us really knew...go figure.
- Song on repeat: "Too Late For Goodbyes" by Julian Lennon. Somewhat linked to the big blurb of this blog, it's a goodbye song of sorts for me.
- SLP to the following: my mom (happy birthday again), Scott (belated happy b-day), Uncle Tim (happy birthday), Jay, Pastor Cory, Steve and the Westerville Browns Backers, Anna, Patrick, Trish, Mindy, Walt & Gandhi.
This was more than I expected this week and I didn't have anything to go on until last Thursday, so I'm surprised. I am glad I got it out, as I try to do with this blog. To those of you still here with me and reading this, I do appreciate and value you, and to those I dropped...well, as they say in pro wrestling when they cut a person, I "wish them the best in their future endeavors." I need to eat, so I'm gonna go eat. Take care and God Bless.
DJ
