Hello, everyone. I'm back with another round of Random Thoughts for the week, so let's get to it. Enjoy.
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I was saying in my status/mood thing at one point that I was going to
take a different tone in this particular entry, and I was going to do
something I had never done before in all the years of journaling and
blogging. After some very careful consideration of what might happen as
a result and one specific event that occurred within the last day or
so, I've decided against it. I have to admit, it wasn't something I
probably should have even considered doing, but the temptation was there
and I almost succumbed to it...almost. All I can say is that I thank
the Lord for my better judgment taking over before I did something
potentially stupid.
- What was the thing I was going to do, you
ask? Well, this is hard for me to admit and even for many of you to
believe, but I was actually going to publicly "hate" on somebody for
something that happened during my first go-round in college...hence the
"dark side" subtitle for this blog today. Hating is something I'm not
known for or even something I really want to do, but I was tempted to
vengeance by the relative safety of the current day to attempt to strike
at somebody from the past who did me wrong in a big way. That person
was one of my roommates in the dorms named Tim. Around this time 15
years ago, I was engaged to a girl (yes, engaged), had a decent campus
job that seemed to be going well, and was in the process of recovering
from a decline in my school grades. Over the span of the next year or
so, that all fell apart and this person was a major factor in it.
Without going into any specific detail, he did some things that have
scarred me to this day. Now, I know a lot of people would have probably
gotten over such stuff by now, but what he did really hurt me and led
to activities and habits I still do (not good ones or ones that really
help). It may sound like I'm putting a lot of eggs in one basket in
saying that this one specific person is responsible for pain in my life,
but he had too much of a hand in those things for me to ignore. I know
a few of you knew me around that time, but you probably didn't know
about what this guy did because I wasn't comfortable back in that day
talking about it nor was I capable of doing so (I did a lot of avoidance
back then). This is also a major factor into the unrevealed issue I've
been alluding to, and while typing this blurb up I realized that in
acknowledging my pain in regard to what this guy did I may have
discovered an unconscious motivation to want to better myself...a
screwy-sounding motivation, but one that might do me some good.
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Even though I was tempted to indulge in my 'dark side' in doing the
"hating" thing (the payback I had in mind was going to be comedic),
there's a lot going good for me now that I would have risked by doing
what I was thinking of doing. Actually, a lot of that good was a big
factor in what steered me away from doing it. I have changed so much
since that first go-round in college. I've been blessed with
friendships with so many of you that grow by the day that continue to
amaze and delight and I've got Jesus in my life. Those two things alone
do amazing things for me, but there is other stuff that is good for me
too. I don't want to lose any of that stuff just for my own thoughts of
pettiness that will pass on their own. Another factor was that
specific event I mentioned earlier...that concerned somebody I know
getting left behind by people this person called friends but people I
now believe may not be such friends after this went down. Even in the
worst of times people should not leave their friends behind. I don't
want what happened to me 15 years ago to happen to people I care about
even in the slightest, and if there's anything I can do to help in
preventing this type of stuff from happening I will do so.
- Now
in talking about my 'dark side', so to speak, I'm reminded of a
phenomenon that happens to me from time to time and to many I know
including here on Myspace. Sometimes we hear about and see things in
the people around us that don't seem to make sense, that seem out of
place or out of character, even in those we've known for years and even
decades. It throws us off in how we deal with them or gets us to
question how well we know these people, sometimes to the point where a
friendship or relationship is seriously threatened and causing us to
look over our shoulders when dealing. This was evident for me in 2000
when I had my issues that led me to therapy...some people from that
time, as I've noted before, still seem wary of me because of that even
though things (and I) are different now. To lesser degrees, I have seen
it happen to so many other people. It is understandable...the unknown
can seem very dangerous, and we have a responsibility to keep ourselves
safe from things and people that might hurt us. At the same time, we
also have responsibilities to the people we care about to be there for
them even if things are off-kilter or outright wrong. We don't always
know everything there is to know about people...ususally we only know
what we desire and choose to know about any particular person. I have a
couple of suggestions on how to deal in these particular circumstances,
whether you are questioning someone you know or you might be the one
being focused on for your behavior. One, go with your gut instinct on
these things, especially if there are no concrete details why things are
going the way they are. It might be something that can't be helped, or
things aren't going right generally, or any number of reasons. Unless
it's something that is completely horrifying, gruesome, or knowingly
betraying, don't just throw things like friendships or relationships
away over something that might not deserve that outcome as a result.
Second, and most important, have faith in the people around you. They
do care, and I'm pretty sure you care as well. Our faith in people does
get tested from time to time...it happens, so don't deny it. We can
choose to believe in what's wrong in people, or we can put faith in the
potential that everything will turn out all right. That's a choice we
have all made before and probably will have to make again. I'm not
speaking of any specific person or current situation that's going on
right now (I don't know of any right now), but this is a phenomenon I
wanted to note since it was on my mind while typing this up.
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Speaking of faith, I want to plug my church home, Crossroads World
Christian Center. Go check out it's website at www.crossroadswcc.org.
-
I've had a pretty eventful week. I went to a cookout on Memorial Day
and reconnected wth one friend, made one new friend, and had a good time
with the rest of them that came to the cookout. I also stopped up at
Club Polaris early Friday evening (not late night...early evening after
an afternoon drive) to hang out with some people there. Last night I
went up to Screaming Willies where I saw an old friend for the first
time in 10 years and had somewhat of a decent time thanks to my friends
who came up including a couple of them I didn't expect but was
pleasantly surprised to see. The weather has been ideal (with a couple
of exceptions) so I've been getting out a bit more. After I blog here
tonight I'm gonna go outside and enjoy the weather some more.
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Check out the OC Dancers website that my crew runs. I've put up some more
activities in the general Columbus area like festivals and stuff like
that. Others are planning trips to the Smokies and Universal Studios
Florida, and we always update on the clubs we go to and are affiliated
with us in some fashion as well as some member activities. Go check it
out if you haven't been there yet: ocdancers.webs.com.
- The
Cleveland Cavaliers are out of the NBA playoffs yet again. If Lebron
James would just stop wasting the 24-second clock dribbling and the
supporting cast would actually move around instead of wait for James to
do something, the outcome would have probably been different.
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Last week I went up to Alum Creek State Park to the beach. I never
thought I'd see a day where I would wade in the water and talk on my
cell phone at the same time. These are amazing times we live in.
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Song on repeat: "Time 4 Sum Aksion" by Redman. Great upbeat dance
song and potential entrance music...can't get much better than that.
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SLP for the following: Kevin, Kristin, Stan, Jay, Holly, Patrick J,
Anna, Joe (the deejay), Griff, Cheryl, Ernest, Rahn, Adrian, Dark Joey,
Brandon, and Pastor Cory.
That's it for this week. Summer is upon us, and I for one will be getting out to enjoy it. Take care and God Bless.
DJ
